Who I am...

I never usually share who I am or what my testimony is because let people face the reality of who I am scares me. Abigail’s blog is all about true identity and how we’re all uniquely made in God’s image. Now, before I let everyone get to know the real me, everyone has a testimony and each testimony is unique to that one person. That’s how God designed it for us. With that being said, this may hurt for y’all to know the real me because it hurts me every day. So.. here it goes:) I grew up in Buckeye, AZ for the first 4 to 5 years of my life. I have two younger brothers (14 and 17) and an older sister (22). We never really went to church due to my parents always working. Arizona was great, it’s a dream place I want to go live again, but my grandfather died of cancer which gave our family an opportunity to move to North Alabama to be closer to family. We moved to a small town of Hartselle, AL. As life starting moving forward, we became members of First Baptist Church of Hartselle when I began 2nd Grade. I was Baptist’s on my 10th birthday and up until 7th grade I had been the only student in my grade at that massive church. I grew playing sports. I played Soccer and Football while training for tournaments and my black belt in Karate and Jiu Jitsu. My dad always loved watching us kids grow up to play sports. Fast forward to 8th grade, my parents got divorced. It wrecked me. It wrecked my mom. It wrecked our family. That day I turned to my Bible and flipped to the scripture of Isaiah 54:10. It reads, “For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love will remain.” The same tattoo I have on my arm drew back till that day. Entering 9th Grade I decided a new sport, cross country. Making new friends and hanging out with wrong people became a huge struggle while acting as if I was a true Christian. Then, I started drinking and started smoking weed for the first time. For two years I thought I was the man by doing this. Thought I was a “cool kid.” No. 10th Grade I got escorted out of a party and was almost arrested at 16 years old for public intoxication. Grounded the whole summer, worked one job, and could only hang out with one friend. Entering 11th Grade trying to make new friends, I ended up finding myself in a toxic relationship for 8 months. I had then lost my virginity in 11th grade and couldn’t stand the fact of going to church. Turning against my family and friends I had, no one wanted to be around me, not even my girlfriend at the time. We broke up beginning of my senior year because I had gotten to the point of being so mad she was ruining my life. Senior year I started drinking again and some smoking. All I wanted to do was play soccer and paint up every Friday night while getting drunk after. Never knew my next steps for college or where I’d end up. After one visit to the University of Mobile, plans changed and so did I. I remained with my same friends, but decided to not actually drink and smoke anymore. Graduation came and so did the beginning of my Freshman year. Over the summer I was living for the Lord and I mean LIVING. It’s the best I had ever felt in my life. Through the courses taken I started stressing. Started to think different of myself and to the point where I didn’t want to be in college. Here’s where my life turns for the worst. I went home. Started failing classes and dropped out 2nd semester. Did even start 2bd semester honestly. I stayed home and worked. One night I forgot to get gas money. Wouldn’t have even made it home. I began such an idiot that one night during closing, I decided to take cash from the closing amount of the register. That next week I was arrested at work for a misdemeanor. It wasn’t anything news worthy or putting in the papers because it was only $20... but it still happened. No job. No school. Two friends at home. Life became a miserable wreck. My friend Kyle started inviting me to his church (which was also my girlfriend’s church at the time). This church made me feel at home. I felt loved being there and I had never been more proud to see my best friend who struggled so much with addiction get baptized in March of last year. I wanted that change. I wanted that happiness. I became a member of Desperation Church and started serving immediately. Making friends I’d never thought I would have now and serving at a different church from where I grew up. About April of being home I wanted to go back to school. So I called and emailed University of Mobile and everything that I wanted to get back to was in perfect placement. Here’s where and how I found my identity. Jesus Christ. My father who paid a death that wasn’t meant to be paid, but did it to save a crude, despicable sinner like me. I was suffering for the longest time. I hated myself and everything I did in January 2019 and it hurts to share that. I became so emotional so embarrassed to be me. It caused too much anxiety to where some days it hurt to function properly. Matthew 10:29-31 states, “What is the price of two sparrows — one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Jesus said that God cares for the sparrows’ every need. You are far more valuable to God than these birds. Our worth was proven by the fact that God sent his only Son to die for me, for you. Because God places such value on you and me, we need never fear personal threats or difficult trials. But don’t think because we’re valuable to God, he will take away all of our troubles. Instead, he tested me to see how well I would hold up under the wear, tear, and hassles of everyday life. Thank you for allowing me to share my true identity.