Sometimes about the time you think you have life figured out, God challenges you with your next step of obedience. I had graduated from PA school and my husband had completed his master’s in seminary. Along the way came two beautiful children, our first home, new jobs. And as we settled into life, I kept returning to a conversation from our first big date. A conversation about adoption where Cody and I each spoke of our individual desire to adopt. But hadn’t we already reached our dream? I was comfortable and confident for possibly the first time in my life. And, the talk of adoption brought out many self-doubts and uncertainty that I really just didn’t want to deal with. To be honest, sometimes I felt incapable as a mother of just my two. Could I even be enough to a third? I wondered if I could love another child with equal love and fervor if that child didn’t share the same DNA. Not to mention the cost, could we even afford to say yes if we wanted to? Would I be able to handle the wait? Was I willing to consider open adoption and love not only a child, but extend grace and love to a birth family as well? What if one day the child didn’t want me to be their mother? What if no matter how much I tried or how much I cared…what if at the end of it all, I just wasn’t enough. My journey took a strong turn from dragging my feet to running towards God and it started with a broken heater in our car. It was beginning to get colder and I had reminded Cody that we needed to get it fixed to keep our babies warm. We had both prayed that it would be an easy fix. After picking up the car with a working heater and relatively cheap bill, I offered up a prayer of thanksgiving. I thanked God that we were able to fix the car and that I could keep my babies warm. I heard a very clear voice from inside saying… “Could you keep another baby warm?” That was it. That little phrase made every other question and self-doubt move out of the way. Suddenly my fears of having enough, of being enough were answered. I had a warm car and a willing heart. I could say yes. And not because I was enough, but because God was. About seven months later, Judah would join our family through adoption. It is hard to remember life before him. But I do know if I would have waited to adopt until I was ready...until I was enough, it never would have happened. And I would have missed the blessing of being mommy to my third child AND missed the opportunity to love his first mother as well. So now we are in a new season of unknowns. New town, new job, new friends. When life throws new my way, I recall what the Lord has already done and hold on with hope for what is to come.
top of page
bottom of page